The first meltdown...

I was enjoying the long weekend so I didn't get to post an update until now. Well, we were supposed to meet with Linda, our social worker on Sun., 8/30. I was ready by 2pm and even baked cranberry-orange muffins (with the help of Trader Joe's muffin mix) since I knew she had to drive over 100 miles to get to our house. When 3pm came along and she hasn't showed up, I was worried she may have gotten lost so I called her cellphone but it went straight to her voicemail. We continued to wait patiently. By 4pm, I started coming up with reasons why she hasn't come yet...perhaps it's the traffic? or the brush fire that's been rampant along the route? But why didn't she pick up the phone? Did she forget about us?!?! After 5pm and a couple of call attempts later I had to finally accept the fact that she's not coming.

I tried to put on a brave face and I was glad my husband kept his calm, too. But deep down I was disappointed, embarrassed, and afraid. I had told my family and friends about this meeting and they were all excited. How do I explain to them that the social worker didn't show up? Will they think we made the wrong decision in choosing adoption? Am I foolish to start this blog about our adoption journey only to have it end in disaster?...and we just started! What are we going to do now?

While I was agonizing over this incident the phone rang. It was about 6:30pm and it was Linda, our social worker. She immediately apologized for not making it to our house and how awful it must've been for us waiting for her. Her and her husband left the paper with our information and her cellphone at home and when they got lost they couldn't contact us so they turned back home. I guess she was having one of those days where everything went wrong. After apologizing profusely, she said she's willing to meet with us any day during the week to make up for it. As disappointed as I was, I couldn't get angry at her or find the heart to make her drive 100 miles during the week-day rush hour traffic. So we rescheduled it for Sat., 9/5 and this time meeting at a Starbucks in Rowland Heights. I was extremely relieved after the call but the question, "What if this happens again on Saturday?" did cross my mind.

I'm delighted to share that last Saturday, 9/5, the meeting DID happen. We met with Linda and she's a very sweet and pleasant person.
After some introductions we got down to business. As soon as she opened her folder, oh boy, we knew there'll be lots of homework for us :) She had a thick stack of forms and a very long checklist. We went through the list one by one and she explained what each form is for and how to complete them.
The meeting lasted about an hour. We left Starbucks with a sense of joy and lightness (although my tote bag was a little heavier from the extra paperwork). We're ready to conquer this challenge that will take us closer to meeting our baby.

What God taught me:
I was gently reminded by the Holy Spirit about God's faithfulness. I was too busy having a mental meltdown and creating all these awful scenarios in my head that I forgot to put my trust in Him. I was focusing on perfection and wanted everything to go smoothly, as planned. But time and time again, God proved to me that His time and His plans far exceeds any of my plans. Saturday also happened to be my birthday -- so in a way, God gave me the best gift I could ever ask for. And I'm so grateful that He never gets tired of my shortcomings. He picks me up again and embraces me in His loving arms. So whatever happens next on this journey I will not worry about because I put my trust in You, Lord.