We're Official!! :)

Great news!! We just got notified that our profile is now featured on Lifetime Adoption's main website. We're also featured on two other websites: http://asianadoptionservices.com/ and http://www.catholicadoptiononline.com/. It feels surreal after all these months looking at other waiting families' profiles that we're one of them, too. Please pray for us as we enter another stage in our adoption journey. We're also open to having our family and friends share our webpage to their families and friends and so on.

Now that we're officially a waiting family and got the profile draft approved, Steve and I will most likely spend Christmas holiday buried in paper, glue, and ribbons as we assemble the 50 profile books...hahaha. This also means we really have to get our behind in gear to finish our home study! :)

And just in case we don't get the chance to write an update in the next couple of weeks, we'd like to wish you all a blessed Christmas and a joyous New Year! Thank you for all your love, prayer, and encouragement throughout this process. And we hope that just like us, you will be excited to see what blessings the new year will bring to your life and family. God bless you!

Yippeee...one major task DONE! :D

Wow, I can't believe it's been more than two months since my last update. We're still working on our home study. We were so excited to tackle our tasks but soon found out it was going to take lots and lots of effort and time. Both of us were not able to get an appointment to see our doctors until late October to get our physicals and lab tests done and a few courses we scheduled also didn't start until October.

In the meantime, we're so blessed to have had the opportunity to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary on 9/25/09 with a little getaway to New Mexico (Santa Fe and Taos) and Colorado (Pagosa Springs). We took a flight to a tiny airport in Durango, Colorado then rented a car to get to our 3 destinations and take in all the scenery.

It was the perfect time to visit Northern NM and Colorado because the Fall colors were just starting to peak, especially the abundant Aspen trees with their gold leaves. We took side roads (that's often bumpy) to optimize our chances of catching the spectacular views and even got a glimpse of some wildlife along the way.

We pretty much had the road to ourselves most of the time so we decided to take some pictures with our beloved tripod. We're hoping to use a couple of the pictures (below) in our adoption profile book because the moments were so meaningful for us. Overall, we had an amazing vacation...and a much-needed one, too! :)
After we got back from vacation, we totally fell into "procrastination mode" for a few weeks. But, we're back!! So far, we completed our First Aid and Adult/Child/Infant CPR certification and two online courses on adoption. Steve finished his physical and I'll be finished with mine hopefully by next week. We're also scheduled to have our FBI clearance Live Scan at the local police station on Tuesday. We're almost done gathering all our letters of recommendation. We feel the most draining aspect of the home study is the questionnaires. All the questions that really require us to take an in-depth observation into every aspect of our personal lives and thoughts -- from childhood to our hopes and goals for the future. We'll be so relieved once those are done. Then we'll have to sign various release forms and get a few of them notarized. The goal is to submit at least two-thirds of the required by the end of November so we can get scheduled for another interview and home visit/inspection. We'd like to finish our Home Study sometime in January.

On the adoption facilitator side, I started working on the design and layout of our Profile book a couple of months ago but haven't really focused on just sitting down and getting all the pages done. But, I was so determined today and spent the whole day just working on it and finally we're DONE!!!! Our Profile book consist of 9 main pages plus a couple more pages of letters of recommendations. I also bought ribbons and embellishments for the binding and I'm excited to see how everything will come together once I have the pages printed. But here's a little preview...(click on picture for larger view).

I plan to get the pages printed and bound on Monday then mail one sample hard copy to Lifetime Adoption for review and approval. Once approved, we'll have the fun task of making 50...yes, f-i-f-t-y...more profiles. After that, the exciting part happens...we will start getting presented to birth mothers!! *so excited*

The first meltdown...

I was enjoying the long weekend so I didn't get to post an update until now. Well, we were supposed to meet with Linda, our social worker on Sun., 8/30. I was ready by 2pm and even baked cranberry-orange muffins (with the help of Trader Joe's muffin mix) since I knew she had to drive over 100 miles to get to our house. When 3pm came along and she hasn't showed up, I was worried she may have gotten lost so I called her cellphone but it went straight to her voicemail. We continued to wait patiently. By 4pm, I started coming up with reasons why she hasn't come yet...perhaps it's the traffic? or the brush fire that's been rampant along the route? But why didn't she pick up the phone? Did she forget about us?!?! After 5pm and a couple of call attempts later I had to finally accept the fact that she's not coming.

I tried to put on a brave face and I was glad my husband kept his calm, too. But deep down I was disappointed, embarrassed, and afraid. I had told my family and friends about this meeting and they were all excited. How do I explain to them that the social worker didn't show up? Will they think we made the wrong decision in choosing adoption? Am I foolish to start this blog about our adoption journey only to have it end in disaster?...and we just started! What are we going to do now?

While I was agonizing over this incident the phone rang. It was about 6:30pm and it was Linda, our social worker. She immediately apologized for not making it to our house and how awful it must've been for us waiting for her. Her and her husband left the paper with our information and her cellphone at home and when they got lost they couldn't contact us so they turned back home. I guess she was having one of those days where everything went wrong. After apologizing profusely, she said she's willing to meet with us any day during the week to make up for it. As disappointed as I was, I couldn't get angry at her or find the heart to make her drive 100 miles during the week-day rush hour traffic. So we rescheduled it for Sat., 9/5 and this time meeting at a Starbucks in Rowland Heights. I was extremely relieved after the call but the question, "What if this happens again on Saturday?" did cross my mind.

I'm delighted to share that last Saturday, 9/5, the meeting DID happen. We met with Linda and she's a very sweet and pleasant person.
After some introductions we got down to business. As soon as she opened her folder, oh boy, we knew there'll be lots of homework for us :) She had a thick stack of forms and a very long checklist. We went through the list one by one and she explained what each form is for and how to complete them.
The meeting lasted about an hour. We left Starbucks with a sense of joy and lightness (although my tote bag was a little heavier from the extra paperwork). We're ready to conquer this challenge that will take us closer to meeting our baby.

What God taught me:
I was gently reminded by the Holy Spirit about God's faithfulness. I was too busy having a mental meltdown and creating all these awful scenarios in my head that I forgot to put my trust in Him. I was focusing on perfection and wanted everything to go smoothly, as planned. But time and time again, God proved to me that His time and His plans far exceeds any of my plans. Saturday also happened to be my birthday -- so in a way, God gave me the best gift I could ever ask for. And I'm so grateful that He never gets tired of my shortcomings. He picks me up again and embraces me in His loving arms. So whatever happens next on this journey I will not worry about because I put my trust in You, Lord.

a sister's LOVE...

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my sister Rosa but I've been finding myself in tears lately and I can't really explain why. I think about what a wonderful role model she was as a mother and how excited she'd be about having another niece or nephew. I guess this is a bittersweet time for me. I'm so excited to be going through this process to expand our family but at the same time, I'm wishing for her to be here physically to share this excitement with me...for her to finally see her little sister become a mommy.

Just a few hours before she passed away, my mom, my other sister Rita, and my dear friend Anne (who's like my big sister) were gathered around Rosa and we were sharing stories about how goofy and lovable she was. It was so intimate and natural for us to be around her just having girl talk and laughing. Even though she couldn't respond, we knew she could hear us. Then we took turns whispering in her ear to tell her how much we love her and how we will miss her so much but we knew she wanted to go home so we told her it's OK to let go and not to worry about us. We also asked her to pray for us once she gets to Heaven. She's always known what was in my heart -- to be a mother one day.

I truly believe that she's interceding for us during this adoption process and God loves her so much that He's granting her prayers. One very clear example is my friend, Betti, who adopted a baby girl from China. We lost contact for so many years and through our love for Rosa, we were reunited. Betti was heaven sent...I'm sure of it! :) She has been nothing but supportive, comforting, and has given me so much information in the last few weeks. Her sharing of how God brought their baby girl into their family was so heartwarming. I still have many questions, worries, and nervousness about how we'll survive this long adoption process, but her experiences and helpful tips give me peace and hope.

We were so surprised when she offered to give us a gift to receive a year's subscription to Adoptive Family Magazine. She also happily passed on books on adoption and parenting that she's read so we can be as informed and prepared as possible to welcome a child into our home. The package came the other day and oh boy...she wasn't kidding about having so many books! There's more homework for us... :)
So, although my sweet dear sister Rosa is not here with me physically, her LOVE never departed from me and she's doing good works in Heaven. I'm so blessed to have amazing family and friends who are completely supportive and thrilled about our plan to adopt. Thank you, Lord!

A lesson in sleep deprivation :)

I have to admit I've been pretty sleep deprived these last couple of weeks working on our adoption letter and profile. I've been going to bed way past midnight and waking up early to get to work. We submitted two drafts of our "Dear Birthmother" letter to Libby already and yet when I read it over there's always something I wanted to change or felt we could've said better. Let me tell you...trying to convey your life, love, family, and future plans into 750 words is not easy! :) We're still waiting for the comments and suggestions so I'm sure we'll make a couple more revisions before it's finalized.

Meanwhile, I'm excited our adoption social worker called. Her name is Linda and we're scheduled to meet for our first interview next Sunday, 8/30. She'll be explaining the process and giving us all the paperwork we'll need to submit. Please pray for us so everything will go smoothly.

Let the paper chasing begin...

Since my last post, we received our welcome binder and WOW...there are so much to do! But I'm not complaining. It feels so great that we're actually doing something to make this happen. Our Lifetime adoption coordinator is D'Arce (Dee) and she's been so supportive and answered all the little questions as they popped out of my head. We'll be working closely with Dee and do a scheduled check-in once a month to discuss our progress.

We will also be working with Heidi (website department) to work on the creation of our website and Libby (profile coordinator) to help us with creating our profile. Right now, we are hard at work composing our "Dear Birthmother" letter. I'm having a lot of fun making our profile scrapbook, too. The purpose of the dear birthmother letter and profile is for the birthmothers to learn more about us and get a glimpse of how life will be like for their baby if they choose us to be the adoptive parents. I have to admit there are some pressure because we really want to make it nice and approachable for the birthmothers. But, Lifetime gave us a step-by-step guide for creating our profile and Libby will review all the drafts and give us recommendations if we need to change anything. That will be so helpful!

At the same time, we just contracted with The Family Network (TFN) to complete our home study. A social worker will be contacting us soon to schedule the initial interview in our home and to give us "more" paperwork. A home study is an assessment of our family life and home to make sure we are suitable to become adoptive parents. We will be getting all the details during the first interview but from what I've read so far, we'll have to submit some legal documents, get a physical exam, get finger-printed, provide financial information, and go through several interviews in our home. Then the social worker will write a report on the findings and whether or not we've met the requirements for a child to be safely placed in our home. Nerve-wracking?? Absolutely! But we understand it's necessary and for the best interest of the baby. And I'm sure it's a peace of mind for the birthmother, too. And I believe once again that God is by our side throughout this process. A little over a month ago, just as we were starting the application process, a friend from high school found me on Facebook. It turns out that she's an adoption social worker for L.A. County and she told me she's willing to answer any questions we may have during our home study process. Indeed, our God is an awesome God!

One thing we've completed is setting up an 800 number. That number will be used for the birthmother to call us if they want to speak with us after reading our profile. We still have a long "to-do" list but we will handle them one day at a time...so let the paper chasing begin!

Signed...Sealed...Delivered!

We signed the contract with Lifetime Adoption Center and mailed it to Rough and Ready, CA yesterday. I got a call from Jen at Lifetime that they received our contract and everything is set to go. Our welcome packet should arrive in the next 72 hours. Yeayyy...we're officially a Lifetime family! :)

Song of Inspiration

I've always loved listening to Steven Curtis Chapman's songs. He's a great singer and song writer and his lyrics just get to the core of your soul. We even used one of his songs, "I Will Be Here," in our wedding ceremony.

Steven and his wife Mary Beth adopted three daughters from China. He wrote a song called "When Love Takes You In" to describe the miracle of adoption. I heard this song for the first time a few years ago and I couldn't help but burst into tears. It's just so beautiful and powerful. Now we are living this song.

Below are the song's lyrics. You can click on the song title to view the music video and listen to the song. I understand not everyone is called to adopt, but each person can take a part by praying for all the precious children in the world who are waiting for LOVE to take them into a place called 'home'...

When Love Takes You In
by Steven Curtis Chapman

I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in

How it all began...

I'm a child advocate and have been from a young age. In high school, I participated every year in the March of Dimes walk to raise awareness of preventing birth defects. And in college I had the opportunity to sponsor a child from Bangladesh for a couple of years. I believe God put the desire in my heart to adopt when I was about 14-15 years old. I saw a TV program about all the abandoned baby girls in China. I remember ambitiously telling my parents and sisters that I will adopt a baby girl from China by the time I'm 25 - married or not! Of course I didn't quite know the responsibilities and resources required at that time but the desire to adopt stuck with me.

Then this wonderful man a.k.a. Steve :D came into my life in a special way in 2002...after being friends for 7 years! When our relationship became more serious, I brought up the topic of adoption. I wanted to know if for any reason we're unable to have our our own biological child, would he be dissappointed? And would adoption be an option even if we do have our own children? Oh...I was so happy when he told me that he was open to adoption.

So, from the day we said "I do" on September 25, 2004 we were ready to add a little blessing to our new family. But months passed by without getting the good news in the form of 'a plus sign' or 'two blue lines'...then one year passed...then two...then three. After getting various tests I was diagnosed with Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). During this time we did try to conceive using a common fertility drug but were unsuccessful. Although there are other treatments that are more intense and invasive we made a personal decision to conceive as naturally as possible.

I am most grateful to God that our battle with infertility brought us closer as a couple. We did not want infertility to consume our life or for it to become an obsession. Does it mean we handle it perfectly? Of course not! I'd lie if I said I never felt sad, dissappointed, or hopeless about my situation or occasionally feel jealous whenever I hear a friend get pregnant. We had to get used to responding to the dreaded "When's your turn?" And it's especially uncomfortable when some old ladies keep telling us to have a baby soon as if we're not trying OR worse...they start giving us remedies on how to get pregnant...well, you know what I mean! :-)

Why wait almost 5 years?

I firmly believe God makes everything beautiful in His time. God used the last four plus years to prepare us to be where we are today.

About 2 years ago, my desire to adopt grew stronger but I still didn't know where to begin. I remember going to Mass one Sunday feeling a little down -- I was having one of those moments when my heart was aching to have a baby. During the homily the priest said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "There is only one difference between a biological child and an adoptive child. A biological child is conceived in the womb of his mother and an adoptive child is conceived in the hearts and minds of his parents." God used those words to console me in the most gentle way.

So I decided to do some research on adoption from the internet and showed it to Steve. Once again he was supportive about it but the information we found were pretty overwhelming. We didn't know anyone who had adopted that we can talk to about the reputation of the agencies and all the legalities and regulations of adoption. A few months later, one of my co-workers announced that he and his wife were in the process of adopting 2 little boys (brothers). God opened the door for me to ask some questions about the process of adoption.

Then in Feb 2008 I went to a conference in Las Vegas for a few days. Not knowing anybody there I sat next to a person who's also sitting by herself and introduced myself. I found out she's originally from Iceland and now lives in Arizona with her husband and son. We got along immediately and became conference buddies. During one of our casual conversations she showed me a picture of her 2-year old son. Then she told me that she had adopted him and shared their adoption story. Just imagine...I'm from Indonesia, now lives in California, then goes to this conference in Las Vegas to meet this one person (out of six thousand attendees) who's originally from Iceland, lives in Arizona, and also attending the same conference. There is NO WAY this is a coincidence!! :) When I asked what agency she used she said Catholic Charities.

When I returned home I researched the Catholic Charities chapter in my area but they did not provide direct adoption services. I was referred to an adoption/foster care agency for more information. On August 20, 2008 we took the first step to become adoptive parents by attending their 2-hour adoption orientation. There we learned more about domestic adoption and its process. At the same time we also wanted to learn more about International adoption and Steve brought up the idea to adopt a baby from Indonesia, which I am all for it. So we researched more about it but were faced with a dilemma again since we also don't know anyone who had adopted through international adoption.

Not long after, in Oct. 2008, my family got the heartbreaking news that my oldest sister, Rosa, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. During that time we wanted to focus our time and energy to be there for my sister whenever she needed us and placed our adoption plan on hold. She battled cancer with so much faith and grace for 4 months and went to be with her Father in Heaven in Feb. 2009.

What was amazing was that even though we placed our adoption plan on hold, God never stopped working on it! :) During the time my sister was ill, she literally brought hundreds of people together...friends I have not been in contact with for many years. Turns out, one of those friends had adopted a baby girl from China a few years ago. I immediately contacted her and she shared every detail of her adoption story and referred us to the agency she and her husband used to adopt from China. They completed the adoption process in 13 months. Unfortunately, when I checked the program now, it can take almost 5 years to be matched with a baby from China. I also did some research into international adoption from Taiwan, Singapore, Hong Kong, Vietnam, and South Korea but their programs are either on hold, limited, or too costly for us. But my friend was absolutely wonderful and gave me so much encouragement that one day God will unite us with our forever baby.

In June 2009, my mom, my sister Rita, and her 3 kids returned to Indonesia. I had researched adoption from Indonesia and from what I found out, it was not going to be easy. But they wanted to visit a couple of orphanages and find out more information directly. It was confirmed that because of the government's strict rules, it would be almost impossible for foreigners to adopt a baby from Indonesia. We would have to live and work there for 2 years and stay another 6 months after the placement of the child.

With international adoption not being an option for us, we now need to decide which agency to go with for our domestic adoption. Earlier this month, I was browsing the internet and came across an article on adoption and Lifetime Adoption Center was highlighted in that article. I checked out their website and somehow there was this immediate connection and sense of peace in my heart that I would be comfortable working with this adoption facilitator. I shared this information with Steve and after discussing it further, we submitted our application on Monday, 7/13/09. On Friday, 7/17/09, we were notified that our application has been pre-approved. I was overjoyed. This is the 'plus sign' or 'two blue lines' we've been waiting for!

So my dear family and friends...we'd like to announce that YES, we're expecting!! :D Our due date may be longer than the typical 40 weeks...but we ask you to please keep us and our forever baby in your prayers.