a vocation of LOVE...: be JOYFUL in hope, PATIENT in affliction, FAITHFUL in prayer.

This scripture from Romans 12: 12 is a verse we listed in the "Our Favorite Things" section of our adoption profile. Today, we are living this scripture more than ever in our adoption journey.

At about 10 a.m. Friday, June 10th, we got a call from our adoption facilitator informing us of an urgent birthmother situation. The birthmother is a young woman who is pregnant with a baby girl. She is alone with no birthfather or family support. The baby's estimated due date is July 3rd...that's right...in 3 weeks! The pregnancy is already full term so it can happen even sooner. Another surprise is that the birthmother lives only 1 hour away from us. After giving more details about the birthmother situation, they asked if we would be open to accept. Of course we said "YES" without hesitation! This is what we've been waiting for!!...oh myyyy...is it really happening??? We're going to be parents!! I was beyond ecstatic! I called my mom, sister, mother-in-law, and shared the good news with several of our close friends who have been our supporters and asked them to keep us, but especially the birthmother and baby in their prayer. They were all so happy for us.

There were going to be arrangements that needed to be made quickly considering the close due date but we're ready to do whatever necessary to make this happen. We were referred to an adoption lawyer right away and were in communication with our home study provider to make sure everything will be in place before the baby is born.

We were walking on air the whole weekend. We made a mental list of essentials things we still needed to prepare for the baby, cleaned and re-arranged our bedroom, and assembled the crib. We had planned a trip to Las Vegas next weekend but decided not to go so we can be on stand-by in case she goes into labor. Steve was so adorable -- he googled to find out the statistics of women who give birth between 37 and 40 weeks gestation.

At 1 p.m. Monday, June 13th, I got a call at work from the adoption facilitator letting us know that the birthmother's parents found out about the pregnancy and they are not supportive of her adoption plans so the adoption will not move forward.

I knew going into any match situation that there's always a possibility a birthmother can change her mind. I remind myself that nothing is 100% until all the paperwork are signed. I've read articles and heard testimonies about waiting families who experienced the same disappointment to be educated. And I always told myself that if this was to happen to us, I would handle it just fine. So I wasn't quite prepared for what I felt after I hung up the phone. It was like I was in another dream and I haven't woken up yet from the other dream that started just 72 hours earlier.

I called Steve to tell him what happened. I tried to stay strong over the phone but tears started flowing and my voice cracked. I'm so blessed to have Steve. He was so sweet and gentle. He kept telling me that it's ok, we're going to be ok. This just isn't our time yet and if this baby will have her birthmother and family take care of her then that's a good thing. God will give us another match and it will happen, we will have a baby one day. I completely agree with everything he said but at that very moment, I couldn't help but feel a deep sense of loss. I didn't realize in 72 hours I had fallen in love with this baby already. In the back of my mind, I have pictured meeting her for the first time, holding her, giving her a bath, planning her 1st birthday party...

I was teary on and off throughout the day but feel so blessed to have our family and friends supporting, praying, and cheering for us. I can only pray and ask God to bless this birthmother and her baby so they can be loved and accepted unconditionally. Steve and I are staying positive...there is no anger or blame or questions why this has to happen. We truly believe God has a beautiful plan and He will unite us with our baby in His time.

In the meantime, our gestation continues...

On a lighter subject, one positive that came out of this situation is that we finally broke out the crib box that's been sitting in the garage for almost 1 year. Since I love to document everything, here are some pictures of Steve hard at work assembling the crib.